i miss you...

a few days into april, i asked my sister if there was something we celebrated in april. we thought of birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and many other occasions. but, nothing to celebrate. little did i know that my question would be answered; certainly not an occasion worth anticipating.

saturday, april 12 was a "busy" day for me and my sister. around noon or so, we were already in the mall. after a pizza and chicken lunch, we went around the stores, bought everything my sister needed for the weekend, did some window-shopping and had a hot fudge sundae at mcdo. we were happy (as we always are when we go out) and that joyful mood lasted until the evening. in the living room while watching tv and playing with the dogs, my brother texted my sister with some news we never expected.

dad was gone.....

my sister who read the text aloud without really comprehending it at first was shocked. so was i. the smiles on our faces were replaced with shock, disbelief and then sadness.

we wanted to talk to them to confirm the news, hoping that our brother would be joking but we realized he would never crack a joke like that. never.

when they called us, they confirmed what we hoped false, dad passed away in his sleep. they said mom woke up on saturday morning and found him lying on the floor.

at that moment, i would've given up anything to be at mom's side; to help her, be with her, support her and see dad. but we are too far apart to do that. thank god my brothers, sister and brother-in-law got there as fast as they could.

i am and will forever be grateful to the neighbors and friends that stayed with mom and helped her attend to dad while my siblings were en route to michigan. thank you.

i know the frenzy one is in when a loved one moves on and you must attend to the details. when our grandparents passed away, there were always 2 or 3 of us; i can only imagine how hard it was for mom. you have no time to grieve, you must have a semblance of calm and enough presence of mind to do what must be done. mom, we wish we were there to help you; if only...

to all of my friends who texted their condolences, offered help, offered a mass for dad, called to ask how ate ynna and i were coping, called to ask how i was dealing with it or called to allow me to cry, thank you. our family is grateful for everything; i am grateful for everything.

that night, it was hard to sleep. but what was more difficult was the fact that i would never see dad again. he passed away on saturday and by wednesday, he was cremated.

i will never get to hug him, kiss him, talk to him or see him again, i'll never hear him say "hello lyn" and "o, heto na si mommy ha anak..." whenever we'd talk on the phone...if i should be given the chance to walk down the aisle again, he won't be there to give me away, he won't get to see his grandchildren. he won't get to visit his hometown (ate ynna wanted to take dad, the whole family, on a trip to antequera, bohol).

all that and more...but, i know you're in a much better place than we all are...

i miss you dad; i miss you a lot.

i love you....