by this time next week, it'll be a year since i walked out on my partner. it's been an emotionally difficult and trying year. a year that saw me struggle and drown in my tears. the pain is still there and i haven't even begun to tell you about the heartache that never ends nor does it seem to want to go away. but i figure that if i've made it through a year still alive and not incarcerated, then, i might pull through this. although i doubt that my heart will ever mend and that there'll be another crack at love. i must admit, it's a fact that saddens me to no end.
i know you must be thinking, "how can someone be so cynical?" well, i tell you, that's not cynicism; it's accepting the reality of the situation.
i got re-acquainted with the concept of thanksgiving last week and it got me thinking about what i must be thankful for. minus the turkey and the cranberry sauce, i'm thankful for a lot of things. family, friends, the basic necessities that i can provide myself with, simple joys such as my requisite coffee, chocolate and the occassional cheesecake. a lot actually, a lot.
then, thanksgiving ends and whaddaya know, it's christmas! now, this is one season that, although it is hands-down my favorite, will now and forever make me sad. i remember what i said about it...i dread having to go through the season. i dread christmas eve, i dread the dinners and the questions and the surprised look on people's faces. i dread sensing their pity for me.
but, the month is going to start off on a high note for me and rose...it's a much-needed break...
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