it's never easy and you never know
what leaves you crying
and what makes you whole
there ain't no way that i can hold it down
falling to pieces
forever in doubt

but it's alright
why don't you tell me again
how you'll still be there when the heartache ends
it's alright
why don't you tell me my friend
how you'll be with me
when the heartache ends

there ain't nobody who can show you how
to find the surface when you're underground
there ain't no blanket that can hide this cold
there ain't no memory
that ever gets old

and i move all directions to the corners and the outskirts
while the lovers and the lonely
start to whisper all about me
and if i stand here silent
i almost start to feel you fading in
telling me to hold on
cuz it's gonna be alright

say you'll be with me
when the heartache ends



from ...something to be (rob thomas)

it's raining, it's pouring

Where Do We Go From Here?
Brian McKnight (from the album, "U Turn")

I found an old photograph
I couldn't help but laugh
I remember that day
And it was the best of times
You are my first
My beginning and my end
Am I losing my best friend
Am I coming or going
Or if this is goodbye

And now where do we go from here?
When everything seems so clear
Will I be left with the pains
Staying all alone, out in the rain
After the love is gone
When everything right turns wrong
And where do we go from here

Love have run out of time
You said you'd always be mine
It's hard to believe that somehow we've grown apart
Why the way that things have been
It just make no sense
Was so unprepared for the way I feel inside

What happened to the flame
It dont feel the same
And I dont know what to say


i've always been a brian mcknight fan. not because i like r&b but because of his songs and how there is always a song that aptly describes how i feel or what i'm going through - just like 'where do we go from here?'

but if there is something i should say, it's...

i love you, still and as deeply as ever...

the valkyries

"... he alternated between looking at Chris and watching the road. He loved his wife, but was getting fed up with marriage. He needed some strong passion in his love, in his work, in almost everything he did in his life. And that went against one of nature's most important laws: Every movement needs a pause at times.

He knew that if he continued the way he was, nothing in his life would last very long. He was beginning to understand what J. had meant when he said that people wind up killing what they love most."

what about those who don't know they're killing someone they love? those who repeatedly justify their actions as a normal thing for them even if it's evident they're "murdering" those whom they should hold dear and near to their heart? would that mean that the love they have for them is shallow, false and at times a figment of their imagination? love that they say they have but cannot allow it to manifest itself once they're with the person they claim to love? could such a lie ever exist?


"Love was worth everything, and couldn't be exchanged for anything."

for those of us who love someone deeply, could you ever say that it was worth it? right now, i couldn't say the same. i'm thinking of trying to exchange this so-called love for peace of mind, dignity, a heart that has healed or even the truth that i hope would set me free...



i am currently reading:

paulo coelho's 'the valkyries'

work, work and work

sometimes, people think that having out-of-town trips or assignments are the best way to wiggle your way out of things that need to be done in the office. yes you do get to drink in the lovely sights that place has to offer but, what they don't realize is that the work isn't a 9 - 5 thing. in subic, our schedule was a 9 a.m. - 3 a.m. thing every single day!



while waiting for their turn in the shower, tuesday (L) & marlet are resting & getting things ready for our "meeting"



above: (L-R) mackie texting, tuesday working on the laptop and ian, who wasn't sure if he was in the picture or not

below: (L-R) marlet, mackie & ian (partially in the frame) discussing the day's events...



and where was i? well, i was the photographer...but don't worry, i was still in the meeting...

culinary images

mongkok's siomai



mongkok's lemon chicken & salted fish fried rice



one of my faves in subic: pacific grill's mouth-watering t-bone steak...

oh dear, it's time for lunch!

monkeying around

due to the timetable we have for setting up subic, our compnay decided to rent out a place long-term like 3 - 6 months. we're staying at crown peak in cubi point. most people know that when you say in the same breath, it's near the monkeys and the bat kingdom. although we haven't had the luxury of actually checking out the bat kingdom and the monkey trail, it seems as if our monkey friends, checked us out. these pictures were taken just outside our room.

tales from subic - part 3

more pics...



those were some pictures taken from part of the boardwalk




here we are (L-R): deliberating after the training session & at "home" - mackie, tuesday, me & ian

the hardest things

i visited ny niece-in-law's blog (jen, thank you very much! i miss you...) and found this interesting post which i swiped and edited to capture some of the things that have been going through my mind lately...

THE HARDEST THINGS (some of them...)

a. Realizing that you have been TRICKED after you have given your WHOLE TRUST
b. Letting GO of someone you've LOVED ALL YOUR LIFE
c. Bracing yourself for the worst kind of pain... & still hurting so much
d. Loving someone too much and learning to love the pain that goes with it...

"Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave."

funny how we can experience a whole gamut of emotions and they are somehow all "related". you shift from one emotion to the next as fluidly as possible.

i know that when my friends and family chance upon this post of mine they'll be intrigued to no end. even if i'd like to explain what it all means, ibalato nyo na lang sa akin 'to. then, just say a prayer for me...

bring on the toothpicks

i am so damn sleepy :( it doesn't help my workload right now requires sitting in front of the computer to finish databases and a bit of research as well....i say bring on the toothpicks so that i can prop my eyelids up to stay awake!!!

espresso please... but i doubt if it'll help....

actually i haven't had time to sleep really well lately...i guess it happens when your in a shitty phase of your life...

tales from subic - part II

of course, all work and no play makes life so damn boring. good thing all of us who were assigned to subic made up a crazy bunch!




(L-R) marlet & ian on the bus; waiting for mack & tuesday @ the Tipo Gate - SBMA & ian, deranged during lunch





(L-R) marlet puckering up; find the lady 'plastered' to the glass wall, that's marlet & going home with 'rambo tuesday'