are you tired?

i signed up for a 15-day subscription with Give-a-Gift. it's actually a donation to the victims of the Leyte Landslide last february; you join, you get "inspirational" texts in return.

yesterday's text got me thinking:

"when you love, you thought you would never get tired. you thought it would never end. but sometimes, you need to be tired to realize that love too can end...especially if it wasn't meant to be."

oh my....

two months???

wow, it has been two months since you last heard from me...well, as of today, the network's up and finally i can blog without intermittent connection! believe me, it's such a hassle to constantly connect to the net.

so, what's up with you?

temporarily unavailable

well guys, we'll be doing some moving soon, actually over the weekend and probably until middle of next week. our office is moving into its new "home" in makati.

and with our transfer, i'm sure the internet is still going to be "unavailable" for a couple of days so, till my next post?

take care and keep on praying for me....

the meanies

"...just call on me brother, when you need a hand, we all need somebody to lean on..."

lean on i sure do. heavily i might add...during this very dark period of my life, never before have i leaned heavily on my family and friends as i have for the past 3-4 months. they have been the reason i'm still alive.

my family, even if we're separated geographically, have never been closer to me than they are now. their texts, emails and calls are part of my daily dose of happiness.

my girlfriends have always been there for me. we've been through this before with another girlfriend of ours although mine is a slightly different situation, it is as grave as our friend's predicament. they help me think about things subjectively and more importantly, objectively and they all have pretty damn good points.

but my day-to-day struggles are an entirely different thing. i've mentioned that i'm glad my work has kept me very busy therefore most of my time is spent in the office or out-of-town on official assignment. the people who i work with have given me an incredible amount of encouragement and have literally and figuratively, held my hand throughout the whole thing.

they've seen me sob, cry, wail and incoherently talk about the whole fucking situation. they lifted my spirits and even if they let me be, i know that should i slip, they'll be by my side in an instant.


L-R: tuesday, marlet, ian, me and macky; taken at the subic center very early in the morning (around 6 a.m.); we "conveniently" converged at the water/coffee station

TO THE MEANIES:

you guys will never know how much you mean to me. you've seen me at a time in my life that only a handful of people know of, much less heard about. you guys give me strength and still make me laugh 'til my stomach hurts even when i feel like crying. i will always keep you guys close to my heart and i hope you'll never tire of me. i love you guys so much! MEANIES FOREVER !!!!!

it's my turn...

this chinese new year it'll be my year, the Year of the Dog! happy new year to
fellow dogs out there! here's more about our sign...


In the West, the Dog is man's best friend, but in Chinese Astrology this Sign is a little more unpredictable than that. Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. However, this Sign has trouble trusting others. It's generally quite trustworthy itself -- except for the occasional "little white lies" the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly. The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener. This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. The Dog's mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible.

Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.

The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max! In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.

The most compatible match for a Dog is the Tiger or the Horse.

so...any tigers or horses out there?

to check out your chinese zodiac sign, click here

my name is julia...

my newest goddaughter, julia samuelle marino (8 days old in the pic), i call her "the thing" - then her mother (my good friend dang) says, "no ninang, my name is julia..."

in with the new and out with the old

happy new year everyone! adeste fidelis (is that correct?)

well, for 2006, first thing i've decided to change is the look of my blog...i've finally scrapped the daisypath banner and changed my template. hmmm, kinda shocking considering orange isn't on the list of my favorite colors but neon orange probably provides the "jolt" i need. whatchathink? violent reactions and good suggestions are most welcome.

well, the holidays slipped by quietly without any fanfare for me.

dec. 30, i checked out the world pyro olympics along macapagal avenue. sorry, can't post any pictures simply because i didn't get to take any...actually, the fireworks weren't really impressive especially if you've seen the fireworks every 4th of july. got home at 2 a.m. because of the @*&#^@ traffic! it was as if everyone in manila was there just to get a glimpse of the giant "kuwitis" hehehehe

dec. 31, slept at around 4 a.m. so, i woke up in the afternoon. rest of the day was spent lounging around, preparing for media noche and checking on julia every now and then....had a simple dinner at 12 a.m.

jan. 1, stayed at home, fixing stuff, moping around, sleeping and just doing nothing...

resolutions? have you made any? actually, i stopped making resolutions a long time ago simply because i never get to fulfill any of them so what's the point? but for this year, my resolution is: MOVE ON GIRL!

separated

If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you

If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Girl I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Girl you know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated


Separated (Usher; from the album 8701)

same time...last year...

i was in a frenzied state already...mentally trying to go over all the things that should've been done: hotel arrangements, what to pack, what to bring, which suppliers to talk to, flowers, bouquets, bridal car, gifts for the principal sponsors....whew! the list was endless...

it was a very exciting time for me as i knew that in a matter of hours, i'd be closing a chapter of my life to write a new one. a new one that wasn't just a chapter meant for me to write alone but finally to share it with someone. to live a "new" life with that person, to create memories, share our joys, pains and sorrows.

little did i know that i would be left with the task of being the author - alone...and it hasn't been a very pleasant one at all...

it seems as if the past 365 days of my life were spent in a different dimension. the institution known as marriage actually became some sort of curse for us i guess. as a dear friend would say several months after..."did marriage actually ruin your relationship?"

in hindsight, i guess we ruined the marriage ourselves. i did for not thinking about it two, three, four, five hundred times before saying "i do". i did for not being strong enough for the both of us. i did because i turned into someone who couldn't make you happy. i did because i believed in you too much. i did because i hoped, tried, prayed and loved you too much.

i'm trying to figure out what i did...have you? instead of just telling me "nauntog ako eh", what realizations have you made?

should i or should i not?

what do you think? should i remove the daisypath banner above that's a countdown to my 1st wedding anniversary?

it doesn't mean anything, it doesn't signify anything anyway...