"...just call on me brother, when you need a hand, we all need somebody to lean on..." lean on i sure do. heavily i might add...during this very dark period of my life, never before have i leaned heavily on my family and friends as i have for the past 3-4 months. they have been the reason i'm still alive.my family, even if we're separated geographically, have never been closer to me than they are now. their texts, emails and calls are part of my daily dose of happiness. my girlfriends have always been there for me. we've been through this before with another girlfriend of ours although mine is a slightly different situation, it is as grave as our friend's predicament. they help me think about things subjectively and more importantly, objectively and they all have pretty damn good points.but my day-to-day struggles are an entirely different thing. i've mentioned that i'm glad my work has kept me very busy therefore most of my time is spent in the office or out-of-town on official assignment. the people who i work with have given me an incredible amount of encouragement and have literally and figuratively, held my hand throughout the whole thing. they've seen me sob, cry, wail and incoherently talk about the whole fucking situation. they lifted my spirits and even if they let me be, i know that should i slip, they'll be by my side in an instant.
L-R: tuesday, marlet, ian, me and macky; taken at the subic center very early in the morning (around 6 a.m.); we "conveniently" converged at the water/coffee stationTO THE MEANIES:you guys will never know how much you mean to me. you've seen me at a time in my life that only a handful of people know of, much less heard about. you guys give me strength and still make me laugh 'til my stomach hurts even when i feel like crying. i will always keep you guys close to my heart and i hope you'll never tire of me. i love you guys so much! MEANIES FOREVER !!!!!
this chinese new year it'll be my year, the Year of the Dog! happy new year to fellow dogs out there! here's more about our sign...In the West, the Dog is man's best friend, but in Chinese Astrology this Sign is a little more unpredictable than that. Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. However, this Sign has trouble trusting others. It's generally quite trustworthy itself -- except for the occasional "little white lies" the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly. The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener. This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. The Dog's mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible.
Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.
The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max! In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.
The most compatible match for a Dog is the Tiger or the Horse.so...any tigers or horses out there?to check out your chinese zodiac sign, click here
my newest goddaughter, julia samuelle marino (8 days old in the pic), i call her "the thing" - then her mother (my good friend dang) says, "no ninang, my name is julia..." 
happy new year everyone! adeste fidelis (is that correct?) well, for 2006, first thing i've decided to change is the look of my blog...i've finally scrapped the daisypath banner and changed my template. hmmm, kinda shocking considering orange isn't on the list of my favorite colors but neon orange probably provides the "jolt" i need. whatchathink? violent reactions and good suggestions are most welcome.well, the holidays slipped by quietly without any fanfare for me. dec. 30, i checked out the world pyro olympics along macapagal avenue. sorry, can't post any pictures simply because i didn't get to take any...actually, the fireworks weren't really impressive especially if you've seen the fireworks every 4th of july. got home at 2 a.m. because of the @*&#^@ traffic! it was as if everyone in manila was there just to get a glimpse of the giant "kuwitis" hehehehedec. 31, slept at around 4 a.m. so, i woke up in the afternoon. rest of the day was spent lounging around, preparing for media noche and checking on julia every now and then....had a simple dinner at 12 a.m.jan. 1, stayed at home, fixing stuff, moping around, sleeping and just doing nothing... resolutions? have you made any? actually, i stopped making resolutions a long time ago simply because i never get to fulfill any of them so what's the point? but for this year, my resolution is: MOVE ON GIRL!
If love was a bird Then we wouldn't have wings If love was a sky We'd be blue If love was a choir You and I could never sing Cause love isn't for me and you
If love was an Oscar You and I could never win Cause we can never act out our parts If love is the Bible Then we are lost in sin Because its not in our hearts
So why don't you go your way And I'll go mine Live your life, and I'll live mine Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine Cause we're better off, separated
If love was a fire Then we have lost the spark Love never felt so cold If love was a light Then we're lost in the dark Left with no one to hold
If love was a sport We're not on the same team You and I are destined to lose If love was an ocean Then we are just a stream Cause love isn't for me and you
So why don't you go your way And I'll go mine Live your life, and I'll live mine Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine Cause we're better off, separated
Girl I know we had some good times It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye Girl you know I love you, I can't deny I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I I know it hurts so much but it's best for us Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry It's killing me so, why don't you go
So why don't you go your way And I'll go mine Live your life, and I'll live mine Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine Cause we're better off, separatedSeparated (Usher; from the album 8701)
i was in a frenzied state already...mentally trying to go over all the things that should've been done: hotel arrangements, what to pack, what to bring, which suppliers to talk to, flowers, bouquets, bridal car, gifts for the principal sponsors....whew! the list was endless...it was a very exciting time for me as i knew that in a matter of hours, i'd be closing a chapter of my life to write a new one. a new one that wasn't just a chapter meant for me to write alone but finally to share it with someone. to live a "new" life with that person, to create memories, share our joys, pains and sorrows. little did i know that i would be left with the task of being the author - alone...and it hasn't been a very pleasant one at all...it seems as if the past 365 days of my life were spent in a different dimension. the institution known as marriage actually became some sort of curse for us i guess. as a dear friend would say several months after..."did marriage actually ruin your relationship?"in hindsight, i guess we ruined the marriage ourselves. i did for not thinking about it two, three, four, five hundred times before saying "i do". i did for not being strong enough for the both of us. i did because i turned into someone who couldn't make you happy. i did because i believed in you too much. i did because i hoped, tried, prayed and loved you too much.i'm trying to figure out what i did...have you? instead of just telling me "nauntog ako eh", what realizations have you made?
what do you think? should i remove the daisypath banner above that's a countdown to my 1st wedding anniversary? it doesn't mean anything, it doesn't signify anything anyway...
a good friend of mine texted me yesterday afternoon asking how was i. after the perfunctory reply (i.e., fine; surviving) she said that trials make you emerge a stronger and better person. i answered back with "i hope i do emerge stronger and alive."
the trial i'm going through, i wouldn't wish on any married woman. im so grateful for the support of my friends and family. its a long, long journey but with your help, support and prayers, ill get through it.
i really hope i do.
i can see my friends with their partners beside them and its makes me long for mine so badly. but i realize i must move on and live my life as i should have it. when im alone, the sadness strikes a chord and it's much more difficult with the holidays here... the lights, decorated trees and christmas carols... wow, my favorite season of the year now evokes a sadness so unreal...
i miss him terribly but i hope that whatever my future is, with or without him, i can move on and find the happiness that i truly deserve.
have a wonderful christmas and a peaceful new year!
so how was your christmas?
i've come across this article many times via e-mail...allow me to post it here...Chance or Choice?When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place, at the right time; That's chance. When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance. Being caught up in a moment (and there are a lot of couples who get together because of this) is not a choice, that's also chance.
The difference is, what happens afterward? When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level? That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and then contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.
If you decide to love the person, even with his faults, that's not chance. That's choice. When you choose to be with a person no matter what, that's choice. Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice.
Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make.what if your partner decided to make the choice of being with you forever but then suddenly changes his mind a couple of months after and decides to go on finding his soulmate? the concept of a soulmate being so alien to him before...don't you just find that a lot of crap? especially if you have made the choice to be with him no matter what? just as it says in the third paragraph, beyond the faults and even if there's someone more attractive, love makes you choose...why can't you choose me? why can't you see beyond my faults, shortcomings and misgivings? am i so unpleasing? what is it? it's a two-way street and you fall short of my expectations too. but love makes me see beyond that and makes me endure the pain...until when, i don't know...
you always convince yourself that you can prepare for almost any situation that can, would and might happen to you. but, when you're there, you realize that nothing can ever make you prepared for the pain. absolutely nothing.all you can do is pray, pray and pray for mercy and the strength from a higher force to help you get thru the aftermath.the question now is: how do you pick up the pieces of your shattered self? can you do a humpty dumpty to put yourself back together again? will you ever be the same? will everything work out for the better?will i live long enough to be happy again?
